Chris Brown provides a detailed account of the night he was arrested for physically assaulting Rihanna in an excerpt from his Welcome to My Life documentary.

The clip, which surfaced online, allows the Heartbreak on a Full Moon star to reflect on his relationship with Rihanna before breaking down the harrowing 2009 incident that changed their lives forever.

According to Brown, their relationship was plagued with domestic violence, scars, and bruises even before the night he was arrested. “There would be verbal fights,” he said. “There would be physical fights, as well…I still love Rihanna but I’m just gonna be honest. We would fight each other. She would hit me. I would hit her, but it never was okay.”

At one point in their relationship, while he was pondering marriage, Brown says that he admitted to lying about one of his exes, a woman who worked for him in the past. He says that Rihanna lost trust in him after that, but their relationship continued.

On the night he was arrested, Brown says that Rihanna was triggered by the ex, who arrived at Clive Davis’ pre-Grammy party after she was told to keep her distance. Brown told Rihanna that he didn’t know she would be there, but on their way home, the pop superstar found a text from the same ex in Brown’s phone, letting him know she would be attending.

During this argument, Brown says that Rihanna hit him and kicked him before he struck her with a closed fist. “I punched her and it busted her lip,” he says. “When I saw it, I was in shock, like, ‘Fuck. Why the hell did I hit her?’ From there, she spits in my face, spits blood in my face, and it enraged me even more so it’s a real-on fight in the car.”

Brown continues to break down the details of their fight, saying that she grabbed his testicles before he bit her arm. All of this, he says, happened while he was driving a Lamborghini through Hollywood. After he pulled over in the Hancock Park neighborhood, Rihanna pretended to throw his car keys out of the vehicle. “Help,” he says she screamed. “He’s trying to kill me.”

Later, fans saw the brutal results of the incident in a distressing and bloody photo of Rihanna. “Her lip was busted,” says Brown. “She had a knot because I pushed her head up against the window. A lot of the times, I look back at that picture and I’m like, ‘That’s not me, bro.’ I hate it to this day. That’s gonna haunt me forever.”