PnB Rock’s girlfriend is breaking her silence.

One month after the rapper was murdered during a robbery at Roscoe’s House of Chicken ‘N Waffles, Stephanie Sibounheuang opened up about the tragedy for the first time.

In her heartbreaking message, which she shared on Instagram Thursday, Sibounheuang says she feels “so empty” and that she would not be alive if it wasn’t for PnB, who threw her under a table to save her life.

“I am 100% not ok,” she began. “If I wasn’t spiritual I could kill my self (but then I’ll go to hell and my man not there) My man saved my life, Throwing me under that table. I’m not supposed to be here but bc of him. I am. No one would be able to handle this. TBH, I can’t even handle this.”

She recalled the chilling moments after PnB was robbed inside the restaurant and fatally shot, revealing that she was not allowed to accompany him in the ambulance and was the last to learn that he was killed.

“To witness what I saw and to keep seeing it in my head, to being forced out the restaurant, to not be able to go in the ambulance or the hospital, Car keys, purse and my phone taken from me, forced in the back of a police car, locked in an interrogation room all night,” she continued, “while all this is going on and to be the last person in this world to know my man didn’t make it after having the faith and confidence that he was.”

Calling PnB her “soulmate,” she revealed their relationship was in a great place in the days leading up to his death.

“I felt this time in my relationship everything was finally perfect for our family. My man had gave his self to GOD. Did a complete 360. He was loyal. He was patient. He was teachable and a teacher. I was finally letting the past go, and letting him show up as his changed self. My last day with u. I told you ‘I know you my husband. I know you my soulmate.’ Even it was for a little bit. At least we got to experience what having a soul mate is… and for that…I am grateful.”

In the immediate aftermath of PnB’s death, there was speculation that Sibounheuang may have disclosed his whereabouts to the killer by tagging the location of Roscoe’s on Instagram. However, that theory was later discredited.

Last month, Freddie Lee Trone and his 17-year-old son were arrested in connection with the Sept. 12 shooting. Each was charged with one count of murder, two counts of second-degree robbery, and one count of conspiracy to commit robbery. Trone’s wife, Shauntel, was arrested and charged with one count of being an accessory after the fact to the killing.

Sibounheuang says the tragedy has taught her an important lesson. “Only thing matters in this short life is LOVE anything else is irrelevant…you can’t take NONE OF THIS STUFF with you,” she wrote. “The devil is running loose on earth. I will never understand a loss so close. I feel so empty. My world is dark now. My heart is broken for the kids.”

She added, “No matter how rich u are, how famous u are, how spiritual u are. Some pain is inevitable.”

Read her letter in full below.