Timbaland is making some shocking revelations to E! in his “True Hollywood” special. The super-producer, born Timothy Mosley, opens about building the careers of superstars Justin Timberlake and Missy Elliott, suicidal thoughts, and secret love for Aaliyah.

On Aaliyah: “When I first met Aaliyah—it’s time for the world to hear this, I’m gonna give up a little secret—I was in love with her. I said, But I’m not… She just a baby, I’m old. I said to myself, ‘I’m just gonna be her brother.’ Oh man, I was fightin’, I was fightin’ a lot—a big war. But I loved Aaliyah.”

On Justin Timberlake: “Me and Justin, it’s the weirdest thing. We just say we’re gonna kill them and then we kill them…We get together, we break bread and we spill out music. That’s what we do.”

On Missy Elliott: “She was just super dope…she was God-sent; that was my sister.”

On his weight gain: “I was almost 400 pounds. Who wants to be a 400-pound black man? I’m looking in the mirror, my breast is bigger than a girl breast. And I was saying, ‘That ain’t cool.’ So I got very depressed, like suicidal depressed.”

On his marriage to wife Monique: “It’s probably hard to be married to me. It’s not easy. I’m a musical genius. I’m weird, I do crazy things, it’s not like the average norm. But I’m a loving guy.”

“True Hollywood Story: Timbaland” airs Tuesday at 9 p.m. ET on E! Watch a sneak peek below.